When people have large, expensive failures, they like to say they paid tuition for an integer-followed-by-shameful-number-of-zeroes education.
I like it. While it doesn’t make me feel any better about losing integers followed by zeroes, it does help me to accept the lesson and move on.
People who have lost houses probably tell themselves this.
I tell myself they tell themselves this whenever I think of my own desire to have a house.
It’s a desire that pops up whenever King Kong and the upstairs bowling committee have one of their daily gunny sack races.
But Failure University has gotten enough tuition. They owe me a diploma by now. As long as this website* keeps telling me I should pay cash for a house, I’ll keep on saving and living in this flat.
*Warning: Don’t click there if you’ve just bought a house. You don’t want to know.
But I still want a house. A house! I want it! Right now!
In the spirit of instant gratification, I bought a train.
I’m on a train right now.
It’s my favorite sound on my new white noise machine.
It’s not the kind of train you hear passing through your neighborhood. It’s the kind of train you’re actually on.
I love the feeling of being contained for several hours in a cozy space with plenty of legroom, ice cream, a window, and The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Whenever I get lonely, I can mosey on down to the dining car. On what other form of public transportation do they let you eat hot dogs and ice cream, family-style, around a big table?
While I have never been able to love yoga the way people who love yoga love yoga, I love the way being on a train feels like yoga.
There is no multitasking on a train. There are no interruptions.
Only a lazy scroll of landscape that patiently waits for you to take it all in before disappearing. For now, the train has saved me from my manic desire to buy a house so I could be free from King Kong’s clutches.
I like having my freedom, and that includes freedom from banks.
The train helps me hold on to that freedom—in much the way a real train does. Better than a house ever could.
My train and I have become quite attached.
I’m afraid we’ll become too attached. That I won’t be able to relax without bringing it with me.
I’ll need to play the ocean sound at the beach, because the real ocean won’t be relaxing enough. Camping in the woods will require a supplementary campfire sound, because I can’t risk any stray, unexpected coyote howls.
Or what if the real train sound just reminds me of the stomping it’s supposed to eliminate, like how the sweetness of cough syrup never lets you forget the taste of dextromethorphan? Or like the chimichanga I ate before I got the flu, which ruined chimichangas forever?
The train doesn’t think I should worry about things like that.
It’s busy developing my “I’m on a train” muscles. (Mindfulness? Is that what the yoga people call it?) As long my train keeps me in a moment of complete absorption most of the time, we’ll be fine, I think. Even when it’s not there.
I am here to make sure no one thinks about my clients’ businesses the way I think about houses.
Potentially risky investments probably best avoided. Instead, I want them to think of my clients the way I think of trains. With love and affection and with a fear of ever losing that mindful feeling.
Maybe people think they want a house. But maybe you’re the train. They need to see you can bring them closer to what they really want than what they thought they wanted ever could.
That sounds like a nice kind of tuition to pay. Not at Failure University, but at the one on the other side of town. Starts with S.
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14 Comments
Is it wrong that my biggest reaction to this post is what kind of sound machine and will it drown out the sound of my neighbors’ lawn mowers/snow blowers/screaming children? Sound pollution doesn’t end with home ownership, alas.
Darcy´s last blog ..A day worth writing about
Darcy,
I think the EcoTones system may be for you! Here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/Ecotones-Duet-Sleep-Sound-Machine/dp/B002SMJQT4/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
You may need to plug it in to a heavy-woofer stereo system. This is my back-up plan in case King Kong ever has a dance party. That way you can make the train as loud as an actual train.
If that doesn’t work, maybe invest in a large generator, and just put it in your living room. Put a nice tablecloth on it.
Thank you for making me appreciate my noise situation. I forgot about lawn mowers and people with basketball courts in their driveways!
Kelly- we live in the country. i mean WAY out in the country- nothing here, no drugstore, no market, a couple of tractor stores yes.
And it is crazy-noisy in the front of the house. These antique houses are usually on main roads, close to the road and ours is no exception. Trucks.
Then there are the tractors, our 4 dogs that bark at every chipmunk and robin, and other country noises.
You’re writing is such a happy mix of things that gratify me.
I still say go for the house- it’s a nest and you’re at that age when you probably really want one. get the really big mortgage too while you’re at it like the rest of us idiots- being house-poor has its charms.
Laughing at noise machine at the beach b/c the real beach isn’t enough.
xox
Lisa
I love your description of being on a train. I’m actually taking an overnight train trip next week, and I didn’t think it was possible to look forward to it any more than I was…but your description makes me want to drop everything and head on down to the Amtrak depot Right Now.
Enjoy the freedom of riding the rails, leaving King Kong and his playmates far behind!
Wendy Cholbi´s last blog ..Backups and Upgrades- The Greatest Hits Collection
I heart your mind. That is all. xo
Heidi Fischbach´s last blog ..Dear Heidi’s blog subscribers-
Did I tell you already I love the way you tell stories? I quite possibly did, since this is what comes to mind every time I hear you telling a story in person or read one here. *love*
Oooh, thank you for the link. And the chuckle (re: the generator). And OH MY GOD I was in a thrift store this weekend and saw the Caruso steam hair thingy for sale!!
Darcy´s last blog ..A day worth writing about
I’ve always wanted to take a long train ride. I don’t know why, but it seems so romantic (not romantic as in love, but romantic as an idyllic and timeless). I’m pretty sure this has something to do with Agatha Christie.
I finally have neighbors that make me think a sound machine might be a good investment. I might need to refer back to your link.
Enjoy your train rides!
Elizabeth´s last blog ..ode to joy- volume 28
Lisa, I think I’d put up with tractors and trucks to be able to live in an antique house with four dogs. That honestly sounds amazing. Maybe I need to wallpaper my office in country landscape! Although you’ve almost convinced me to just get the real thing.
Wendy, bon voyage! You’re so lucky! A real train! I hope you’re bringing a voice recorder. You could do a little traincast. With a real train in the background. For those of us who need to live vicariously.
Heidi! Guess what? I heart your mind, too. And I’m losing it right now. Good thing there’s a potion for that.
Me too, Elizabeth! Too bad they don’t let dogs on trains, or I’d be taking long train rides every month, as I’m sure you would be.
I love this post. It’s such a giant cozy metaphor for, well, several things. Nicely done.
Leslie Poston´s last blog ..Help Me Be A Quitter- Fight Cancer
Go for the house! Country living is the best in my opinion. Escape the hustle, and all the NOISE!
teamcurtisfamily´s last blog ..When you believe it- you can achieve it!
Kelly, I read this post on a train! The train from Ulaan Bataar to Beijing, to be precise, at approximately 6am, on my cell phone. Please tell your web designer that this site works very well on Opera, accessed through China Unicom in the middle of nowhere (a.k.a Inner Mongolia!)
I agree with your point about intense focus. I wrote a bunch of articles on that train, in scribbled longhand, in the train’s corridor, in the early hours of the morning. My ideas were too crystal-clear to sleep on, and I could not resist writing down a feminist-architectural reflection dedicated to my former roommate.
Thanks for describing that focus so nicely!
Leslie Forman´s last blog ..Renowned Primatologist Jane Goodall Visits Beijing to mark 50th Anniversary of Groundbreaking Chimpanzee Research at Gombe National Park in Tanzania
Oh, wow, Leslie. That sounds like some excellent train-writing. Does this mean I can say my business has been to Inner Mongolia? I’ve always wanted to go to there.
Yes, your business has definitely been to Inner Mongolia! When the rest of you decides to go let me know and maybe I can translate
Hopefully Mandarin will suffice, since my Mongolian vocabulary consists of “thank you” and “go faster, horse!” and “caveman-style meat stew.” Here is the piece I wrote shortly before reading your article: http://www.leslieforman.com/2010/10/the-mongolian-ger-as-a-yanic-symbol/
Leslie Forman´s last blog ..George W Bush- Liberty- and Freedom in Mongolia