Copylicious is turning 3 years old next month, and it’s time for me to be up front about a few things.
It seems I’ve managed to keep a good many things about myself to myself. In fact, today I made a list. I counted at least 22 things! That would be 22 key, life-shaping facts people who know me through the Internets or through working with me still don’t know about me. They’re not secrets or strategic omissions. They just never seem to come up. They can’t be simply dropped into conversation—professional or otherwise. I’ve tried. Haven’t found a way. Inspired and emboldened by Sarah Lacy’s recent shocking revelations (A secret origami obsession in her past? Admitted emotional outbursts caused by Jane Austen? Are you sure we weren’t separated at birth?), I’d like to attempt to remedy this error. Consider it my 3-Years-In-Business Truthiness Address.
1. My past indicates I seem to be drawn to working with convicted felons, people in crisis, and puppets.
Most people don’t know this, but I used to star in a live, Sesame-Street-like production for kids. Puppetry is where I learned it’s not what you say so much as how you say it. You wouldn’t believe the difference between “Father Abraham! Had Many Sons!” and “FATHER ABRAHAM HAD MANY SOOOOOOOONNNNNNS!!!!!” while whipping your wrist around in circles in a room full of 6- to 8-year-olds. I don’t understand why more serious actors don’t embrace puppetry. The shrieking laughter brought on by a live performance is more gratifying than anything a critic could ever write.
Working at the crisis line for a year (now there’s an awkward transition) wasn’t exactly what I’d call fun, but it was hard to ignore the feeling I was doing something that mattered. This is where I learned the basic principle that story is irrelevant. The details of what happened don’t matter nearly as much as we think they do. All the good stuff is in the feelings behind what happened. And what do you plan to do next to take care of yourself?
Pre-crisis line, I monitored felons at a halfway house in Santa Barbara. I really just entertained them by getting them to talk about their favorite books and betting them I could do a pull-up within 3 months or they’d have to read Roots by Alex Haley. Even then, it wasn’t about the job so much as finding a lightness, getting people excited about something beyond what was there.
2. As the recovering child of an amateur bodybuilder, I have attended more bodybuilding competitions than I care to remember.
Along the way, I have met Hulk Hogan, Jean Claude Van Damme, and this one female bodybuilder who confided in my 10-year-old self how difficult it was to date someone who was on steroids. I have been to Muscle Beach at Venice Beach more than 50 times. I know the caloric content and nutritional breakdown of a banana, 4 ounces of chicken breast, and a baked potato. I know the names of all the muscles and I know the weird adjectives judges use to describe “physiques.” It’s right at the top of my list of things it still feels weird to know. During this period, I also found time to attend The Masters of the Universe POWER TOUR! (basically He Man on Roller Skates) theatrical extravaganza. (It’s exactly what it sounds like. Click here to see photos of the program from this event.)
3. I can play the piano.
I even know a few songs by heart.
4. I always wear my helmet and I never ride alone.
A few weeks after graduating from college, I was hit by a truck on my bicycle at 4am on my way to work. Despite no helmet, my only injury was a fat lip (the police report mentioned a prominent red lipstick stain on the hood). Two weeks later, I was attacked on my bicycle by a migrant worker on his bicycle on a remote bike path near the beach—also, as it happens, at 4am (I managed to evade him using the old cartoon trick of slamming on the brakes and then speeding around him and finally hiding in the bushes of a trailer park–just like in the movies). Now I believe The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker should be required reading for every man and woman. And I cringe whenever I see another hipster without a helmet.
5. I once saved my man-friend’s life.
6. He once saved my dog’s life.
I think they bonded over that.
7. I am secretly grateful when the people who think they’re supposed to remember my birthday forget it.
It makes me feel less guilty for forgetting theirs. I’m terrible at remembering birthdays.
8. Snow-skiing in Alta, Utah.
If I ever have a business retreat of my own, this is where it will be.
9. I once sold window coverings door to door in Orange County—just after returning from the Peace Corps.
I was actually pretty good at it, thanks to my obsession at the time with Zig Ziglar. Someone told my boss I was good at selling without appearing to be selling—he said I didn’t seem like a salesperson, but as a salesperson himself, he could feel my subtle tactics working on him. Selling door to door was easy after the Peace Corps. Copywriting was easy after selling door to door.
10. My brain overwrote Spanish with French. Sorry, Ms. Shew.
I studied Spanish in high school, and had to learn French living in Guinea as a Peace Corps volunteer. The French won out over the Spanish. I am barely conversational in Soussou. There are many sad stories related to my time in the Peace Corps. They’re too irredeemably sad to tell. You know how some stories give you this great feeling of warmth at the end because you can see the humanity and the sad, sad beauty of it all? These don’t have that quality. They’re just sad.
11. I have never broken a bone, gotten a cavity, or needed glasses.
I have, however, chipped my front tooth by throwing a large rock high up into the air and attempting to catch it.
It was supposed to be a friendship rock for the friendship altar at summer camp.
12. I am an only child.
A left-handed, introverted only child who is only comfortable speaking in public if one hand is attached to a puppet and costumes are involved. All of this means I am a blast at parties for 90 minutes. Then I am suddenly done and need to go home immediately.
13. I once lived out of my car and only ate baked potato, which I heated with the microwave on campus at the local community college.
This is how I know it’s possible to live on $10 a week. It’s also the reason I rarely eat baked potatoes.
14. I, too, used to be obsessed with origami.
My parents got a phone call after my desk was revealed to contain dozens of tiny swans in various forms, all constructed from old homework. I got into a lot of trouble as a child for doing what don’t sound like such bad things now. I used to draw skulls and crossbones on all my homework like a pirate signature; I drew a bikini on my Thanksgiving turkey handout in 3rd grade; I corrected my teacher for mis-pronouncing a word; and one time I forgot to ask if I could get up before sharpening my pencil. My level of rebel was ‘Anne-of-Green-Gables.’
15. I have written an unpublished, unedited novel about The Real Santa Claus.
That’s all anyone ever needs to know.
16. I used to be a cat person, but switched to dogs after college.
It’s really about the individual cat and the individual dog.
17. My favorite novels are Middlemarch and The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
18. My first business was a two-day mistletoe stand in front of Stater Brothers when I was 18 years old.
This is only my second business. But here are the abandoned back-up business ideas I had planned if Copylicious didn’t work out:
- A food cart in The Mission
- A home puppetry theatre & dining experience
- Slobbercise, a one-on-one, dog-running service. The key business-building strategy was to be a viral marketing campaign featuring my Great Dane mix, Harley, wearing an Olivia Newton John-inspired aerobics ensemble.
19. I have hiked to the top of Yosemite’s Halfdome approximately 12 times–once by myself.
20. I spent a summer pumping gas and washing windshields at a gas station.
There is a proper technique and an improper technique to wash a windshield. I don’t like having people volunteer to wash my windshield when I’m pumping gas because they never use the proper technique.
21. My favorite theme park (yes, I have one) is Dollywood in Tennessee.
It’s just as graaaaand as it sounds. Everyone should go at least once.
22. I’m a highly-sensitive person who is inexplicably drawn to adventure.
That can’t be good for me.
So now you know.
I’m just sorry you didn’t learn all this sooner. Sarah Lacy, I salute you and extend my gratitude for inspiring this post. To continue in Sarah’s grand tradition, I’d like to open up the comments for interesting, fun facts about the readers of this blog. I assume if there’s something most people don’t know about you, there’s a good reason for that. So feel free to indulge anyway—we’ll chalk it up to egg nog later.
Expeditions in progress:
Dig up more good stuff:
19 Comments
I’m sorry we didn’t learn this sooner either. All well worth knowing.
By the way, if you ever decide you need a break from Copylicious and want to start Slobbercise, up in Portland, I could really use your services.
I’ll toss out a few:
I can recite pi to the 55th (sometimes 60th) decimal place. But only if I say it in groups of 5 and so fast that you barely know what numbers I’m saying. You’ll just have to trust that I’m saying the right numbers.
My favorite way to sleep is to lie flat on my back with my arms at my sides. According to anyone who has seen me, I look like I’m in a coffin. My sister used to come in and wake me up – because she said that since I looked like I was dead, she didn’t have any other way of confirming that I was actually alive and just asleep.
I spent a summer cleaning and painting dorm rooms. Except a few of us were picked out to work in the cafeteria at lunch while the summer youth programs were in session. I spent a lot of time in water fights with some of the other guys who were picked – including one grand fight that culminated with some broken plates. Now I wonder how on earth they didn’t notice how wet we usually were.
elizabeth´s last blog ..here comes sinter klaus
Kelly, how wonderful to get to know puppetmeister you, and baked-potato-eating-you and all the other you’s you’ve shared here. Some of what you wrote made me laugh and cry at the same time. I’m grateful to know you, and look forward to learning more about you.
Hiro Boga´s last blog ..Sunday Poem #14: Buddhist Chronicles 4
I loved reading your list. You are one awesome (and copylicious) individual.
I love this. It’s wonderful to unveil 22 more facets of you! Especially when those facets include bodybuilding, origami, and felonies.
By the way, I always wear my helmet too — even though 90% of people on motorbikes in Chiang Mai are too cool for them, I apparently am not.
Zoe´s last blog ..Taking a Closer Look
What I want to know is: what did the felons win if you couldn’t do a pull-up?
Whatever it was, there’s one bet I wouldn’t make with a bunch of beefy convicts. I have zero arm strength.
Laura ´s last blog ..Go ahead, hate my stuff (or, why writing is like a big glass of milk).
Hi Kelly-
Two things I find hard to believe, personally.
1. The no-cavities part left me very envious and a little suspicious
2. Middlemarch? I am a crazy obsessive reader and loved most of the classics but remember Middlemarch as the most horribly painful long and never-ending difficult read of my privileged private high school experience.
Can’t even begin to fathom this as anyone’s favorite.
Have blocked out every detail of middlemarch, can’t remember author, plot, characters or anything about it, it was so dreary.
Very interesting list- very interesting person.
happy holidays and love to you-
Lisa
http://www.IntuitiveBody.com
Breaking The Spell of Overeating:Results You Crave
Oh, this list is SO awesome. The program from the POWER TOUR nearly killed me. Ha!
As for me, I’m feeling incredibly uninteresting after that list, but here’s something: I spent a summer reading through old medical files of deceased patients in a doctor’s office to find and dispose of the files of people who’d been dead longer than 7 years. I sat alone in the office’s garage reading medical histories while listening to mix-tapes for 8 hours straight, 5 days a week. It was a dark sort of job, but oddly fascinating. And when it got to be too much, I would sneak out to catch a movie at the nearby mall.
Leah´s last blog ..Honoring the Dark, Welcoming the Light
Elizabeth, I’ve seen your future Slobbercise client and he’s exactly the kind of dog I was thinking of back when I came up with the idea! Now you’re telling me you can sleep in a coffin position AND recite pi? So impressive!
Hiro, it’s wonderful to know you, too.
Zoe, Good for you! I know how hard it is to resist blending in when you live somewhere that long. We never wore seatbelts in Guinea–but then that’s mostly because the taxis didn’t have them.
Laura, aka my new internet crush, these were the nicest felons ever. If I lost, I had to buy them a carne asada burrito from the place down the street. They loved carne asada burritos.
Lisa, I’d probably have had the same experience you did with Middlemarch if I’d tried to read it in high school. Didn’t have enough life experience. I think if you tried it now, you’d love it.
Leah, this is the best story ever. Such a great mental image. I guess you were literally purging the dead files!
Pirate signature!!
You sounded like a pretty kick-ass kid.
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..The Magic of Christmas – Literally!
Kelly – this was absolutely high-larious.
Your baked potato story is like my fried spam and instant mashed potatoes story. Even if there weren’t other very good reasons not to eat those things, I still could never eat them again.
I had to participate – it’s listed in my commentluv link!
Victoria Brouhard´s last blog ..Ten Facts about Me That You May or May Not Find Interesting
“A left-handed, introverted only child who is only comfortable speaking in public if one hand is attached to a puppet and costumes are involved. All of this means I am a blast at parties for 90 minutes.”
Kelly, it seems you’ve been invited to some, um, unusual parties
Mark V. McDonnell´s last blog ..Four Steps to Sports Success – What to strive for in training
“..and one time I forgot to ask if I could get up before sharpening my pencil.”
I did this once in 2nd grade and was traumatized for days because I kept imagining my felony would catch up with me sooner or later. Seriously. Sleepless nights those were.
You are even awesomer than I thought before. I’ll share a few:
• I once flew a C-141 cargo plane over Colorado. I should mention… I am not a pilot.
• I am partially color blind. Don’t tell anyone.
• I got stuck in an elevator for 10 minutes with Don King and Peter Tork. No one spoke. I thought I was hallucinating.
You are the most funnest, Kelly.
Sparky Firepants´s last undefined ..(Enjoy 10 returned posts for Christmas)
‘My level of rebel was Anne-of-Green-Gables’. Love it.
Ok… erm…
~ At age 10, made a card index of all my books, cross referenced by author and title, and a date stamp, in case anyone wanted to borrow one. They didn’t.
~ I only know the plot of La Boheme because I had a put-it-together-yourself paper theatre and that was one of the sets. I *loved* that theatre.
~ I am fully trained to clear the energy in buildings and consecrate them.
~ I almost became a sign language interpreter, until I realised (18 months into my degree) that a) it was a conceptually impossible task, and b) it mainly consisted of going to the doctor’s with old ladies.
Oh god, that’s enough. Almost moved on to felonies, then thought better of it.
Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last blog ..How to make sure you fight at Christmas
Oh, I don’t know… Anne of Green Gables got her BFF drunk, after all, and then there was that whole slate-smashing thing… oh, and making fun of the minister’s sermons! And telling Rachel Lynde that she was fat and ugly and no one liked her!
She was pretty badass.
Also ZOMG Kundera! LOVE LOVE LOVE The Unbearable Lightness. If I were to make sets of books that should belong together (even though they don’t) I would put Unbearable Lightness in with Ondaatje’s English Patient and Calvino’s If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler. No relevance to anything there, just thought I would share.
Blue´s last blog ..Reading Group Follow-Up: A Better Analysis of No Impact Man
My very first concert: I was about 8 or 9 years old on summer vacation in Puerto Rico. I wore pink leggings, a pink jean mini skirt, jelly shoes, a white cotton sleeveless t-shirt (which was snug in the mid-section because of all the rice and beans my grandma was feeding me) with a pink haired punk rocker picture on it and a zebra print headband. Classic. My aunt took my sister and I to see Menudo. Yes, Menudo. The 80’s Puerto Rican boy band who had chart toppers like “Subete a mi moto”. And I had a huge crush on the newest boy to join the band, Ricky Martin.
I was no older than 9. I didn’t know any better.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly my poor child!! You never mentioned any of this while we would be feasting at Salsita’s restaurant after the tennis matches. If I had only known I could have sought some professional help for you. I hope it’s not too late. Why did you stop at 22 items? Love you, Pops
Your level of rebel is Anne of Green Gables and you LOVE Dollywood? I am actually shocked this didn’t come up in our weekend together as these are the two salient un-confessed fact about ME.
No, that’s true, I talk to everyone about Dollywood. I adore it. With all my heart.
Another deep-dark?
-I played the viola for 9 years and almost majored in it (instead I chose the imminently useful French Lit)
-My first concert was Stephen Curtis Chapman at King’s Island (Hamilton, OH). If you know who that is, then you’ll understand the embarrassment.
Tara´s last blog ..Do the Thing in 2010
You forgot:
“I once glued a soda can to the top of my car so I could watch all the other drivers frantically try to point it out to me before it fell off, then laughed at their amazement of how it could stay atop my car as I made a wide turn.”
That one always makes me laugh
-janelle
Jane Lane´s last blog ..Woo Hoo, Survivor 20 Pool is open!
Left-handed, HSP, rebellious as Anne of Green Gables… hello, sis!
When I was 7, I once got so angry at my little sister for staring at me while I was painting a picture, I… I… I painted her nose green! With my little 8-tin Crayola watercolor paints. She promptly tattled to our mother and later retaliated by standing behind me (to watch me paint) and cutting off a little lock of hair — about half an inch from the scalp. I looked like Alfalfa for almost three months.
I rode a 200+ mile poker run with a Harley “gang” in Alberta. (HSP with a taste for adventure, and the photos to prove it.)
I own a Glock G-19 and go plinking in Athol (yes, ATH-ole), Idaho, with my husband and his sister and brother-in-law.
Loved your post, Kelly.