You get it.

My friend Barry Kendall, Executive Director of the Commonweal Institute, says he often uses this phrase when pitching high-level donors. He positions it as a contrast–something easy to find in politics–by using the phrase, “Well, they just don’t get it. But you get it.”

Even though the prospect does get it—or they wouldn’t be talking in the first place—the phrase also appeals to the kind of person they want to be—and likely will be—with just a bit of effort. He’s helping them get it by telling them they get it.

Why do I love this so much? Because it makes the prospect feel special.

And when they feel special, they want to prove they really are special by taking action.

In taking action, they demonstrate their get-it-ness. Further your cause. And further what they really want. All at the same time.

By the way, this wouldn’t work if wasn’t sincere and true.

Manipulation rings false and untrue because it is false and untrue. Persuasion always tells the truth—but just does it in a compelling way.

I asked Barry how he came to discover this phrase, how he knew it was working, and how he’d answer the objection of ‘this feels manipulative.’

THE INTERVIEW

How did you discover this phrase?

We were meeting internally about fundraising and someone was saying, “It’s hard because so many people don’t get it. Some people get it, but a lot of people don’t get it.”
I latched on to that, because in general, you want to make your prospect feel special in some way. They like if you can offer something that’s exclusive. And what’s exclusive about this phrase is the intellectual piece. We can’t give people access to big-time celebrities or fancy parties. We’re not at that level yet. But what we can do is give them a sense of exclusivity based on their intellect. And that was the impetus for starting to use that phrase in our pitch.

How do you know when it’s working?

You really can tell from the look on their face whether or not it’s resonating. The reaction is either they smile and nod, as if to say, “Yes, I do get it, and I also recognize others don’t get it.”
That usually opens up a conversation where they bond with you over their frustration about how others don’t get it, and that’s a good thing, too.

Or, they give you a look that doesn’t quite give you that opening, and you’re not sure if they think they get it.

That usually leads me to try to ask them a question or two to get them talking about what they really think, and what they really do or don’t get about movement building and about politics.

So if I get the look that says, “Um, sure, if you think I get it, then maybe I do,” then I know I need to hit the brakes a bit and tease out more conversation, so when they say something that indicates a shared perspective, I can come back and say, “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about when I say ‘You get it.’ Someone who doesn’t get it wouldn’t say that.”  You’ve created the opportunity for them to feel affirmed and to say, “I do get it.”

What do you say to people who are afraid this will make them feel manipulative?

If you’re being relatively up front, it strikes me as more of a condition of persuasion. The ends are right out there in the open. I’m not pulling any punches about why I’m talking to you; I’m not hiding my motives in any way. Usually if I feel I’m getting resistance, someone just doesn’t want to be pitched.

If someone feels they’re getting pitched and is resistant to that, it’s usually because they’re afraid they’re being looked at as a bank account and not as an active partner.
So often what I will do if I feel like I’m getting resistance is to get them talking more. Oftentimes people are most comfortable just talking and having a conversation.

And typically, at some point I’ll try to get them talking about action steps. Because when you shift from talking about problems to talking about actions, you engage them in the problem-solving process.

Sometimes you can move from action steps to, “That’s a great idea! We are working on something similar. I think we could really work together on this and get some things done.”

A Recipe for Getting It

Any kind of contrast plus affirmation is powerful. It doesn’t have to be “you get it.” It can be anything.
Here’s a simple formula to make it easy to remember:

CONTRAST + AFFIRMATION

We all love to hate formulas, but they’re extraordinarily useful sometimes!
I think you get the idea.